My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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