bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
