Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
