Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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