I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize