maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
