my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize