i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize