is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
