His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
