I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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