That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
