He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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