There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize