come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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