He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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