I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
