best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
