shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
