It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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