i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
