I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
