one two three fourrrrnication!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
