no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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