u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
