You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
