toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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