Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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