I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
