the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize