he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
