READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
