Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
