you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize