mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
