"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's blow job season.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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