oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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