Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
