Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize