Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize