where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
