Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
