dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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