He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
