found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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