Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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