Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
