Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
