Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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