Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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