see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
