I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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