Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
