don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
