I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
