If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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