They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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