Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
