I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
