my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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