Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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