youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
