I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
