i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
