I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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