the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm really busy with my period
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