I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
