So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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