so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
