Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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